Yooooo what the fuck is up, it’s your boy Sarah reporting to you from the Worst of All Possible Realities and goodness I have so much to tell you. First off: Mexico? Yer done, bud. Women? At the whims of old men now as ever. Obama? Repudiated! On the way out. Gay conversion therapy? Back in the mix. Hell, this whole gay thing is up in the air now, even though everyone still swears they remain down with the LGBT people. Really, they are, they just voted against them for reasons too complex to explain, like “actually I don’t care” and “fuck you.”
What else, what else. Kneeling at the anthem remains more offensive than grabbing a woman against her will to satisfy your boner, which is a thing that is definitely coming back in a big way, not like it ever left. Your relationship with your grandparents? Ruined. How can you even look them in the eye? I dunno. They did this for you.
The evangelical vote reaffirmed that this nation is a Christian nation, Christian or you get trumped. Trump that bitch. We’re all the bitch. My face is the bitch and it’s crying and it’s trumped. The Jesus vote went pussyhounding and God is alive in America again.
Starting to lose the thread, here. Your neighbors? They don’t like you, man. None of this feel-good shit about being nice to people matters. What matters is what you feel, and what you feel is that you want MORE POWER. You could say that the arts are going to go into overdrive mode due to this crisis, but real art requires free speech protections, so smoke ’em if you got ’em because that shit is getting pinched.
Women, women, women. Bitches, right? Soon the great abortion experiment will end in flames as God intended, brought to its knees by a coalition led by a man who’s most assuredly paid for one or two in his time. But that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter! This whole woman, abortion, body, rights thing? Shut your fucking mouth, whore. Billy Bush lost his job for being close to the mouth that spat the venom, and the man who said the words is King. That’s dope.
Ahhhh… okay. Press freedoms? Trampled by a hostile electorate. Taco trucks? Toppled. Harambe? Still dead. The KKK exultant, far-right leaders and tyrants offer their congrats. Nice meltdown? No meltdown. You’re the meltdown. I’m joining Al Qaeda.