Thought I’d update the ol’ portfolio about What The Fuck Is Going On. Current list, up to date, haven’t mentioned anything I’ve been doing lately aside from the tweets, which are always cooking in the lab. Anyway, on my plate we’ve got a healthy, balanced meal.
- A screenplay about horses and horse racing (it’s a collabo)
- A listicle about pop culture’s gayest children (for online)
- Been thinking pretty hard lately about maybe doing a project of some sort having something to do with the topic of local beer
- poem about my mom (4th revision)
- There’s this email in my draft folder for this thing that I wrote just way, way too long while I was a little xanned out one night, and I need to edit it and send it but I’ve just been putting it off, putting it off, putting it off, you know how it goes. I also need to send a text message saying “no” to someone but it’s really hard to pull the trigger because I dislike conflict.
- I’ve also been working on an English translation of Prima Games’ strategy guide book for Final Fantasy IV Wonderswan Color Version for about fifteen years
I was doing all of these earlier but I got distracted by this great archive and now it’s 5 in the morning.
I love my life; my life is great and I love being involved in it
I’m drinking beer in the street today, pretty much all day. The beer is infinite. My crystal guts were, perhaps, not ready for this.
Pardon the brevity. There’s two million gallons of beer here, and I’m pretty sure I have to drink all of it. I am a journalist. I have binoculars and my sword. I won a keychain in a contest, so this might be the best little day of my life.
Brewed and bottled by the Cerveceria Modelo Sociedad Anónima de Capital Variable, um, Corp, Corona is a beer with a lot of haters, a lot of faults, and a huge cultural cache. Like most macro-level beers, it is consumed and enjoyed both ironically and with sincerity in utterly massive volumes, with ironic adherents outnumbered, I would say, by a ratio of 200:1. By which I mean, the two hundred guys at the dusty bar you’re sitting in who all look like they’ve been carrying heavy shit around on some asshole’s orders all day each ordered Corona because they’re thirsty. You did it because you think you’re funny. Whatever! Everybody drink their Corona. No fighting.
Now then—Corona Light.
O, Corona Light.
O, oh, ohhh Corona Light. What is to be done with you? Who drinks you? Are you the market? That vanishingly small market of one that hates gluten but loves pee? Avoids calories, but likes skunk ass? People look at you, when you buy this. And I know this, because I did.
Here, as I sip the first of these—and let me be clear, I’ve had a lot of Corona, light and otherwise—here is a list of times when it is probably justified, through the lens of a broader, cultural sense, to consume Corona Light.
- You are dying of thirst in a literal way. Met with the miracle of two twin bottles poking their glass tops out of the sand, you find a Corona Light, and an Evil Twin Lil B. You must choose here the Corona Light, for water, hydration. The Evil Twin is ruined in this heat, anyway. Probably tastes like poison. Corona Light… does not, really.
- You are hosting an all-ages marathon of all the Fast & Furious movies, and don’t want the kids feeling left out.
- You have cancer, you’re dying, they bring it to you with your applesauce. You don’t even have any say in it. Life sucks.
- Dieting! New Me after NYE!
- You’ve already taken a handful of Doctor-prescribed chill pills and aren’t particularly trying to stop breathing suddenly while you’re de-stressing at home tonight, with a beer or two.
I can think of such little else.
Anyway, this list is only meant to reflect the culture. Hell, I bought the damn beer, and guess what? I ain’t scared of you motherfuckers. You can do anything you want in life.
youtube rabbit hole: More Bernie