A Journey Through the Sandwiches—Chickpea Salad

I tend to vacillate, in my day-to-day life, between trying as hard as I can to regard my body as a holy temple—suited for only the richest greens, organic-est meats, nuttiest milks, the purest and most carbonated mineral waters—and another state, wherein I adopt a diet most suited to the task of taking your average human body and, within two days, killing it.

It is in this latter state that I tend to do things like, say, drink fifty beers, hollow out lightbulbs to smoke crack in, enjoy in one sitting what I like to call a “personal pound” of ballpark French fries, and try to sleep around 165 hours a week.

But I ask you, who among us would say they haven’t in their own way done something like the same? Truly. Because we are all magnificent fuckups—such is my particular brand of humanism. The people who run the hundred-mile borderline-unwinnable Barkley race, you think they’re paragons of all-around health? People only run like that when they’re running away from something—like their baser, lesser, natures, and usually also a heroin addiction.

Which brings me back to something that I reference often in my casual life, that ancient Greek principle of sophrosyne—everything in moderation. Are there any better maxims for human living than that little nugget of wisdom, and the classic “Do unto others” formulation of the Golden Rule? (Pecunia non olet, some could argue.)

So what we have here is the kind of sandwich that seems to me to be perfect for those spirited sprees of healthy-living we all get up to from time to time. I’m probably gonna make one later. You should come over! I live downtown, by the highway. My apartment is really super-cool.

Anyway. This is basically a thickened-out hummus spread, so this sandwich, in that light, is almost self-explanatory. Hummus is freaking delicious. But you have to make your own. My god, my god, it’s so simple, and so worth it, and so cheap and economical. I’ve already linked a sandwich-specific recipe, but for real basic hummus, you basically just need to throw a can of mostly-drained chickpeas, some tahini, a few cloves of garlic, lemon juice, some salt and pepper, whatever else you want, and some olive oil in a blender, blend it smooth, and then serve. It tastes so dang good. Serve with who gives a shit, and ravenously consume.

Anyway, that’s hummus. This spread, if we’re going full-vegan (which we are), requires vegenaise, and also onions or scallions (or carrots or green onions or seriously, whatever) chopped up and mixed in, to provide necessary crunch. Maybe raisins. Is anyone else feeling raisins?

Look at that frickin’ healthful monster. So good. So good for you. Enjoy with La Croix coconut sparkling water, red drink, Diet Coke, or whiskey. Like it’s said—everything in moderation.

May this sandwich help you on your way. I pray it serves you well and leaves you better for encountering it. Life’s journeys pose challenges to us all. Chickpea Salad Sandwich: Sticks to your ribs, not to your heart.

Photo Credit: Simple Veganista